


we will be happy (together tomorrow)

by Crewe



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Bittersweet, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Reunions, background Hella Varal/Adaire Ducarte, the epilogue made me sad so i made it sad in a way i could stomach more easily instead, there's background Throndir & Ephrim too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:34:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21765355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crewe/pseuds/Crewe
Summary: A letter from Hella brings Hadrian two things: a map, and a chance to say good-bye.
Relationships: Hadrian & Hella Varal
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	we will be happy (together tomorrow)

It was a quiet morning when Hadrian came to see him.

Life with Red Jack, while it held its own kind of peace, was rarely _quiet_ , so Throndir relished the rare mornings when he had the house to himself. With both Red Jack and Blue J out with the sunrise and Throndir in the rare position of having no pressing responsibilities, he had been planning on leaving the library in Lem's dubiously capable hands and spending his morning doing nothing more demanding than checking Kodiak's fur for burrs.

However, because life is rarely fair, he'd barely gotten as far as putting a kettle on the stove to boil for coffee when there was a rapid knocking at the door that, naturally, set Kodiak barking. He shushed his dog and herded him out of the way to open the door, revealing a harried-looking Hadrian with his fist raised to continue knocking. He blinked and visibly refocused as Throndir appeared in front of him.

"Throndir," he said, then stopped like he wasn't sure how to continue.

"Hey, Hadrian," Throndir said, looking him up and down for any sign of what could have brought him here in his current state. He was dressed in his usual plainclothes, a little ruffled maybe but put together in a way that didn't suggest an emergency. "What's up? Is something wrong?"

"What? No, I…" Hadrian paused to take a deep breath and visibly centered himself, one hand going to his pocket. "Could we talk?"

"Yeah, of course!" Throndir said quickly, stepping aside to make room for Hadrian to enter. "Come in, make yourself at home. It's just me here, so…" he trailed off, leading the way back to the kitchen.

Hadrian dropped into one of the seats at the kitchen table--one of the regular ones, not the massive Red Jack-sized chair that barely fit. Kodiak took his time greeting Hadrian and inspecting him thoroughly for treats while Throndir checked the kettle and sat down across from him. Satisfied that Hadrian wasn't holding out on him, Kodiak returned to his spot by the fire with a contented groan.

Hadrian didn't immediately say anything, instead drumming his fingers on the table with an odd, nervous tension.

Throndir finally cleared his throat. "So, uh…" he began, fidgeting awkwardly with the laces of his shirt.

Hadrian startled just a little at the silence being broken. He looked up and flattened his hands against the table, fixing Throndir with an intense, searching gaze. "You still visit Ephrim, don't you?"

Almost against his will, Throndir stiffened, sitting upright and drawing ever so slightly away from the table. His hands curled into fists in his lap. Over by the fire, Kodiak lifted his head as if sensing the sudden tension.

His loyalty to Ephrim wasn't a secret, exactly, but it was a mostly unspoken truth. Every mention was the possibility for an argument he didn't want to have and wasn't willing to budge on. Whatever anyone's opinion on Ephrim--whatever Throndir's _own_ opinion on what he'd done--making time to see him in his quiet little exile was the least he owed him after a decade of stalwart friendship.

"Look," he said slowly, forcing his tone even. "I do, yeah. It's _Ephrim_. We went through too much together, Hadrian. I couldn't…" he trailed off, the words dying in his throat. There were days--not all of them, but some--when he trekked out to Ephrim's little cottage on the outskirts of the settlement and the visit hurt. When the unspoken regrets and betrayal became unbearably oppressive, and all they could manage was kneeling in the garden side by side in silence, until Throndir went home with an ache in his chest. But even on the very worst days, the thought of abandoning Ephrim hurt worse.

Hadrian, for his part, didn't seem to notice the tension. If anything, he seemed relieved. "That's… that's great," he said, and sounded honest enough to startle Throndir out of his defensive posture. "If anyone gets it, it's you, Throndir."

Throndir exchanged a baffled look with Kodiak, who let out a huff and unhelpfully dropped his head back down to resume his nap. He looked back at Hadrian. "Is this… are we still talking about Ephrim?"

Hadrian laughed, more surprised than amused. "No," he said. From his pocket he pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and laid it out on the table between them, smoothing it out until it was legible. It took a long moment for the lines and shorthand scribbles to resolve themselves until Throndir realized what it was he was looking at: a map of the Rhizome, with the Last University in one corner and a location marked helpfully with an X in the opposite.

"I'm talking about Hella."

\--

Throndir returned to the table and handed Hadrian a mug of coffee, settling back into his chair with his own. Hadrian muttered a thanks and immediately wrapped both hands around the mug but didn't drink it. Throndir took a long sip to give himself time to gather his thoughts.

"So let me get this straight," he said finally, setting his mug down. "Hella's been sending you letters from wherever she and Adaire ended up, and now she's sent you this map and wants you to… what, exactly?"

Hadrian made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. "I don't know _exactly_ ," he said. "Just… meet, I guess. Talk."

Throndir hummed in acknowledgment. "And you're… not sure if you should go?"

"Well of course I'm gonna _go_ ," Hadrian said, letting go of his mug with one hand to wave it around in agitation. "It's _Hella_."

Throndir snorted. It wasn't like he could argue with that logic. "Okay," he said. "Fair enough. But uh, no offense Hadrian, then why are you _here_?"

Hadrian fixed him with a wide-eyed earnest look that had him already dreading what he was about to say. "I want you to come with me," he said.

Throndir rubbed his temple. "Why?" he asked. "Not that I wouldn't be happy to see Hella, of course I would, but--"

"I need you to help me follow the map," Hadrian said. "You're better at navigating than I am. You were the Ranger, man."

Throndir grimaced, folding his hands in his lap to hide the twitching of his trigger finger. "That was a long time ago."

"Well I can't ask Blue J to do it," Hadrian huffed, leaning back in his seat. "You're all I've got. Plus, you know," he added, waving a hand. "You're her friend, too."

Throndir frowned and leaned forward, peering at him suspiciously. "That aside, why can't you ask Blue J? Have you told Benjamin where you're going?"

Hadrian grimaced, which was answer enough. Throndir's ears flicked back in displeasure. "Hadrian," he said reprovingly.

"He wouldn't… he wouldn't understand," Hadrian grumbled, finally taking a sip of his coffee and refusing to look Throndir in the face.

"So you're just gonna lie to him?" Throndir asked incredulously. "Isn't that how all of this started?"

Hadrian got over his discomfort enough to glare daggers at him. "Hey, this is nothing like that! I'm not hurting anybody here."

Throndir sighed and decided to try a different angle before he gave up entirely. "Have you considered that maybe he misses Hella, too?"

It was Hadrian's turn to look incredulous. "Miss her? Throndir, c'mon, you saw how angry he was. And he's… he can be impulsive. He might do something he ends up regretting. It's better if he just… thinks we're going hiking or something. For old times' sake, you know."

Throndir sighed. "I think you're underestimating him, is all," he said wearily. "And you can be mad at someone and still miss them."

Hadrian waved his hands, getting more agitated. "Look, if Benjamin comes to me and says he wants to make up with Hella, I swear I'll do everything in my power to make that happen. But for right now, I just want to go see my best friend without worrying about--any of that." He leaned forward again, flattening his hands on the table and looking at Throndir with pleading eyes. "So will you help me do that or not?"

Throndir sighed and looked down at the map again. Adaire's style was familiar; nearly all the maps of the Rhizome they had were at least descended from it. Far from perfect, but he knew by now how to judge distance from them. The spot she'd marked was probably about a half day's journey from the Last University. Barely a journey at all, after their past adventures. And at the end of it…

He turned back to Hadrian and finally softened, covering one of his hands with his own. "Yeah," he said. "Of course I will, Hadrian."

Hadrian sagged in relief, flipping his hand over beneath Throndir's and squeezing it briefly in thanks. "I knew I could count on you," he said, getting up from the table. "I'll get a grasshopper ready."

Throndir stood up as well, his eyebrows shooting up. "What, are we leaving _now_?"

Hadrian blinked. "Why, are you busy?"

Throndir looked at Kodiak. Kodiak gave him a long, beleaguered look in return, then slowly heaved himself to his feet. Throndir turned back. "Uh, I guess not."

"Great." Hadrian flashed him a grin, grabbing the map and stuffing it back in his pocket. "I'll meet you at the gate." He shot a, "Thanks for the coffee!" over his shoulder as he headed for the door, leaving his mostly-untouched mug behind.

Throndir gave him a half-hearted wave, watching him go. Kodiak lumbered over, pushing his head into Throndir's hip demandingly. Throndir obliged him by scratching behind his ear, looking down at his faithful companion with a huff. "Well, Kodiak," he said. "I guess today's gonna be a little more exciting than we thought, huh?"

\--

"This must be it," Throndir called from the back of the grasshopper as they emerged from the woods the map had led them to into a large clearing, like a small natural park. Hadrian reined the bug to a stop, absentmindedly patting it on the shoulder as he slid off. Behind him, he could hear Throndir setting about freeing an antsy Kodiak from his traveling harness and the bug food they'd packed. He ignored him in favor of walking further into the glade, looking for any sign of Hella.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" he called back when nobody made themselves known after a minute or so.

"I mean, I guess I could've read the map wrong," Throndir said dubiously, finishing tying up the grasshopper and coming over to join him. "But I'm pretty sure we're in the right place. Did Hella give you like, a time to meet her?"

Hadrian shook his head, his frown deepening. "No, she just sent the map."

"Well, maybe she's planning on just checking in and she's not here right now?" Throndir offered, sounding distinctly unsure. "Or maybe her letter got delayed, and she thought you'd have already been here, and she thinks you're not coming? Or maybe she's not expecting you yet?"

Hadrian shook his head irritably. No, no, that couldn't be true. He had to believe that Hella knew he would come; she had to know that he would always come when she asked. And it followed that if she knew he was coming, assuming they were in the right place--she would be here. "She'll be here," he said firmly.

"All right," Throndir acquiesces. "You know her better than I do."

Kodiak barked, then barked again. Hadrian normally wouldn't be bothered (after all, he's a dog, barking is just what dogs _do_ ), but beside him Throndir straightened up and twisted to look at him.

"What?" Hadrian asked, also turning to look. Off to the side, Kodiak had stiffened and was peering intensely at what seemed to be nothing but thin air. He let out another bark, following it up with a low growl.

"He's seen something," Throndir said. "But I can't tell what it is, can you?"

Hadrian opened his mouth to ask whether Kodiak could have seen maybe some sort of squirrel or other woodland creature, but he was interrupted by a familiar voice calling, "Hadrian!" and suddenly where there had been nothing there was now Adaire Ducarte with a put-out expression and a large white dog.

Hadrian hardly noticed her, however, because striding towards him, with her sword on her back but no armor and a grin on her face, was Hella Varal.

For a moment he was frozen in place, his brain stuttering at the sight of her. Before he could react she had already crossed the distance between them. Belatedly, he stretched out a hand--to clasp her arm, maybe, he hadn't thought it through all the way, but it didn't matter because Hella took hold of it and used it to yank him forward into a crushing hug.

All the breath went out of him like she'd gut punched him instead. His body reacted before his mind could and he reached up to clutch her back just as tightly.

When she and Adaire left the Last University he hadn't realized, at first, that it was for good. He'd understood that they had fled from Benjamin's crusade, but initially he had assumed they were just going to lie low for a while and come home once things had blown over. It wasn't until he'd started getting Hella's letters that it sank in that they weren't coming back. That he might never see them again. That he'd lost his best friend without even a proper good-bye.

And now here she was, months later, close enough to touch.

They pulled apart after a long moment, each taking the time to peer into the other's face, cataloguing the differences time apart had put there. Hella seemed largely the same; Hadrian wasn't sure how much she _could_ change in the modified pala-din body she inhabited now. He thought, maybe, that she had more smile lines around her eyes now.

"Hey," she said, with all the warmth and suffused humor he remembered from Hella-at-peace. "It's good to see you."

"Yeah," Hadrian said around the lump in his throat. "Yeah, it's good to see you, too."

"Hey, Hella!" Throndir's cheerful greeting startled Hadrian and it was like a bubble had popped and the rest of the world rushed in all at once. He took a half-step to the side, turning so he wasn't standing between the two of them anymore.

Hella reached out and clasped his arm. "Hey, hi," she said, still grinning broadly. "How've you been?"

"Good, I've been good," Throndir said. "Keeping busy with the library and stuff, y'know."

"Yeah, yeah, I remember," Hella said. "You're still doing that, huh?"

Throndir shrugged. "Yeah, I mean… y'know. Somebody's gotta do it, right?"

"Oh, sure, sure."

Hadrian opened his mouth to interject before their smalltalk made him burst, but a loud throat-clearing beat him to it. The three of them turned as one to see that Adaire had crept up on them while they were talking. She stood with her arms crossed, doing her best to look dispassionate--but Hadrian could see the corner of her lip twitching like she wanted to smile.

"Hey," she said simply.

"Hey," he said back, more warmly than he'd even really intended. They'd never had the friendliest relationship, but he was surprised by how glad he was to see her. Maybe it was just nostalgia, or the residual joy of seeing Hella again. But her lip twitched again and he thought maybe the feeling was mutual.

"You two didn't bring a bunch of guards with you, did you?" Adaire asked after a moment in a dry tone that made it impossible to tell if she was joking.

"Adaire," Hella chided, rolling her eyes. She slid an arm around Adaire's shoulders, turning towards Hadrian and Throndir with a long-suffering look. "Adaire was convinced we might show up to get arrested, or something."

"I wouldn't say _convinced_ ," Adaire protested. "I was only advocating for a healthy amount of caution. There was no telling whose hands that map could've fallen into. Plus, Barbelo could use the exercise."

"Hadrian wouldn't do that to us," Hella said, and Hadrian's heart clenched in his chest. He _wouldn't_ , of course, the thought hadn't even occurred to him. From the moment he'd unfolded the map and realized what it was, he'd been thinking of following it himself. But now that the possibility was before him, he realized what a risk Hella had been taking in directing him to find her--what faith she'd had in him.

Adaire didn't seem to notice his momentary crisis; in fact, she was barely paying him any attention at all, half-turned in Hella's embrace to better banter with her. "I mean, technically he _did_ bring a cop," she said, gesturing at Throndir.

"Hey," Throndir protested mildly, then brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck. "Though actually I'm… not that, anymore. The Golden Lance isn't really a thing anymore. I dissolved it."

Adaire and Hella both looked at him with raised eyebrows. Hella looked pleasantly surprised; Adaire seemed largely nonplussed.

"Kept the gun, though," she said.

Throndir snorted. "I mean, I wasn't gonna give it _back_."

"Fair," Adaire said, and finally smiled.

"Seems like a lot's changed," Hella said. Her eyes shifted sideways to Hadrian again, and he cleared his throat and met them.

"Yeah," he said, holding her gaze. "You've missed a lot."

Hella's eyes softened and she took a step towards him. "Hadrian--"

"Hey, Throndir," Adaire interjected, her voice a little too loud. She stepped over to Throndir's side and jammed her arm through his, forcibly leading him over towards where the grasshopper was tied up. "Why don't you tell me how the bugs are doing."

"She's only gotten more subtle," Hadrian drawled.

Hella snorted and reached out to bump his arm with her knuckles, too lightly to really be called a punch. "C'mon," she said. "Let's talk."

\--

"How much have you heard from everybody else?" Hadrian asked, settling against the fallen log at the edge of the glade.

Hella hummed thoughtfully. "I mean, it varies," she said. "Lem writes a whole novel when he remembers, but honestly I have no idea what he's talking about most of the time. A lot of rocks? But I don't know if he means like, the rock person or just actual rocks." She paused and looked over at him. "Would you look in on him? You know how he can get… weird. Like he was in Aubade. I'm a little worried about him."

Hadrian shrugged. "I'm pretty sure Lem is always weird, but sure, I'll check on him."

Hella flashed him a smile. "Thanks," she said, then went back to considering her other pen pals. "Ephrim likes to complain, mostly." She paused. "I haven't heard anything back from Fero."

"He left, not long after you did," Hadrian said. "Just up and disappeared one day. No one's seen hide or hair of him since." He shrugged, a slow drag and heavy drop of his shoulders. "He could be anywhere by now."

Hella let out a long breath, and Hadrian knocked his knee against hers. He'd liked Fero fine, but he was pretty sure Hella was one of the only people Fero might have actually counted as a _friend_. "I guess he didn't leave a forwarding address, huh," she said finally, shooting him a wry smile.

Hadrian snorted. "God no, you think he wanted to hear from any of us?" He elbowed her lightly. "I'm sure you'll figure something out."

"Yeah," Hella said on a big exhale. "Maybe he'll get bored eventually and come say hi."

"Maybe." Hadrian shrugged. It seemed like something he would do. Or it didn't! He'd never claimed to understand Fero's whims.

After a long moment of silence, Hella nudged his shoulder. "How are _you_ doing, Hadrian?"

Hadrian shrugged again. "Oh, you know me. I'm fine."

Hella hummed encouragingly. "Yeah?"

Hadrian waved a hand. "Yeah, 'course. The church is great, Rosana's great, Benjamin's great, everything's great." The hand resting on his knee curled into a fist of its own accord. "World hasn't ended yet and we haven't been taken over by a conquering army, so yeah, I'm doing fine." He surprised himself by slipping into heavy sardonicism; he hadn't meant it to come out that way. He _was_ fine, he was pretty sure.

He looked away, but he could feel her eyes on the side of his face.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked finally. Hadrian closed his eyes and scrubbed his hands over his face. She didn't sound upset, almost just… curious. Like she just… wanted to know.

He sighed, long and weary. "That's a complicated question," he said, to buy himself time. Was he mad at Hella? When Benjamin had come to them with the information on the Understanding, he'd been… shocked. Upset, certainly, but also confused. He'd wanted to talk to Hella about it, to get answers straight from her about what she was thinking, why she'd done it. But she'd left town before he got the chance, and then any anger he might have been harboring had gotten tied up with the sudden grief when he realized she was gone. Even when he started getting her letters he'd been too preoccupied with missing Hella to consider being angry at her. And that was really it, wasn't it? It wasn't even the lying and the abuse of power he was angry about, not _really_. He certainly wasn't _happy_ about any of that, but--he was upset that she'd done it because she'd had to leave.

"God," he said finally, clunking his head back against the log. He turned his head to face her. "Why'd you _do_ it?"

It was Hella's turn to sigh. "Does it really matter anymore?" she asked wryly, shaking her head.

"It _might_ ," he shot back, and she snorted.

She sighed again and leaned back too, drawing her knees up and resting her arms on them as she gazed up at the trees above them. "I thought… I dunno, I figured if they were gonna do it, and they _were_ , someone should be there to… keep it from getting out of hand."

"Yeah, 'cause that whole situation was definitely _in hand_ ," Hadrian snarked.

Hella elbowed him, the corner of her lips quirking up. "Don't be an asshole," she said.

" _I'm_ the asshole?" he demanded, without any real heat. " _I'm_ not the one who joined the secret council that lied to and manipulated everyone!"

That startled a laugh out of Hella. "I was trying to help!" she insisted, and when she turned her head to look at him she was smiling for real. He grinned back, reveling in a moment of joking with his friend again, before the weight of the topic at hand sank in again and his smile faded. After a moment, Hella's did too.

"I wish you hadn't done it," he said. It came out rawer than he intended, pulled from the deep aching place in his chest that had been there since the whole mess started. That was the heart of it, really; more than anything, he wished she hadn't done it. "God _damn_ , Hella."

"I know," she said, softly. "I was doing what I thought was right."

"I know," he echoed back, and she smiled at him again.

\--

"Y'know," he said, watching Kodiak and Barbelo chase each other around across the glade, "I always knew you and me were gonna make it through all the nonsense we were dealing with back in old Hieron."

"Of course we were," Hella said with a laugh, waving a hand dismissively. "What was gonna stop us?"

A smile tugged at Hadrian's lips at the plain confidence in her voice. He'd relied on faith to get through the dark times, but Hella had always had _confidence_ . "Right," he said, and the smile slowly faded. "So I always figured, y'know, there were two options. Either we would kill each other, which was unlikely and _certainly_ not what either of us was going for, or we'd… y'know. Retire together."

Hella made a soft, hurt noise like he'd hit her. "Hadrian," she said plaintively.

Hadrian continued over her, shredding a leaf as he talked. He watched the pieces flutter to the ground between his boots rather than look at Hella. "You and me, going spoon shopping on weekends, working at the church, making sure the next generation of adventurers can cut it, all that stuff. And now…"

Hella's hand crept into his view, resting on top of his and stilling their restless movement. He looked up to see her looking at him mournfully. The sight was almost more than he could take. "I thought that too," she said, like an admission. Her lips quirked up. "With maybe a little less spoon shopping," she added, with a little more levity.

"You liked spoon shopping," he said, with half-hearted mock offense.

"Sure, it was fun once in a while, but _every_ weekend, Hadrian?"

Her teasing managed to pull a smile from him. "They have new spoons every time!"

She grinned back, shaking her head. "But you don't need to see _all_ the new spoons. There is such a thing as enough spoons."

Hadrian scoffed playfully, but it wasn't long before his smile fell again. "You're gonna miss Benjamin's wedding," he said. Hella sighed. He continued regardless. "You're not gonna see the church grow, or… scare the new city guard into shape. We're not gonna find out what happens if you try to sail your boat up the inverse waterfall."

"Hadrian," Hella cut in, her voice tinged with sad frustration. "Of course I wish I could do all that. Of _course_ I do! But…" She squeezed his hands, her voice gentling. "We can't… we can't dwell on what the future _isn't_. Things are different from how we thought, but when have things _ever_ gone the way we thought they would? I mean, come on. Look at where we are right now!" She gestured with her free hand all around, encompassing the new foliage, the giant grasshopper tied up across the way, the branch far away above them, the whole Rhizome. 

She took his hand properly in both of hers, tugging until he looked her in the eye. He did, and saw nothing but sincerity. "Hadrian, I'm _happy_ where I am right now. I really am. I love Adaire, and I love the kids, and the home we've built together. I hope someday you can come visit for real. And sure, I wish things could be different, but we can't change the past. All we can do is… find ways to be happy in the present." She squeezed his hands again. "You deserve to be happy, Hadrian. _We_ deserve to be happy. Even if it's apart."

Hadrian took a deep, ragged breath and swallowed. "I'm sure gonna miss you, though," he managed to get out past the lump forming in his throat. "You're my best friend, Hella. I don't know what I'll do without you."

Hella reached out and clapped a hand on his shoulder, a broad grip right where it met his neck. "You had faith in me when no one else did," she said, and he took solace in the fact that she was clearly struggling too. "And I'll always be grateful. This isn't… this isn't the end for us. I promise."

Her grip tightened and Hadrian let her pull him into another hug. He held her tightly, his face pressed against her shoulder and just _breathed_ as it sank in that whatever the future held, in one way or another, this was good-bye. They could keep in touch, write letters, even have visits like this one when they could, but it would never be the same as it was. It might not be _the_ end--but it was _an_ end, and in Hella's arms Hadrian let himself mourn for what couldn't be, just for a little while.

Finally, he drew back, catching both her hands in his. He took a deep breath to re-center himself and watched her do the same. "You changed my life, Hella Varal," he said. "I'll never forget you."

Hella smiled at him, that wry smirk that somehow still managed to be sincere at its core. He couldn't help but mirror it. "Yeah," she said, squeezing his hands till her knuckles turned white. "Same to you."

And really, that was all there was to say.

\--

Tucked under Hella's arm with an arm around her waist and a satisfied smile, Adaire looked for all the world like a hostess seeing them off after tea.

"And make sure Rupert is getting the berries he likes," she finished telling Throndir, who was nodding frantically and looking like he wished he'd brought something to take notes with as Adaire instructed him on the proper care of her favorite bugs. "They're a bit of a pain to get, but he deserves them. He does a good job."

"Yeah, of course," Throndir said quickly. "I can--I'll make sure."

"Great," Adaire said, flashing him a smile. "You're a peach."

Hadrian surprised both of them by pulling her into a hug.

"Oof!" she said, patting him awkwardly on the back. "Yeah, yeah, it was good to see you too, big guy."

Hadrian snorted and pulled back. "Look after her, okay?" he said, squeezing her shoulder.

Adaire softened, giving him a genuine smile. "I always do," she said fondly, looking up at Hella.

Hella rolled her eyes. "I don't see how _I'm_ the one that needs looking after, here," she said, but her voice was full of affection and she leaned down to press a kiss to Adaire's temple. She looked back at him, smiling. "Thanks for coming."

"Of course," Hadrian said. "Thanks for the map."

"Of course," she said back, then stepped forward to hug him one last time. "Good-bye, Hadrian."

"Good-bye, Hella," he said softly.

She stepped back, giving him one last smile and a squeeze on the shoulder, then moved aside to hug Throndir and the moment was over.

Hella and Adaire helped them secure the now-empty case of bug food back to the harness, as well as Kodiak, who was saying his own good-bye to Barbelo. In no time at all, the grasshopper was fully kitted out and ready to go, and Hella and Adaire retrieved Barbelo and stepped back, clearing the area.

Throndir came up beside Hadrian and lightly touched his elbow, startling him out of his reverie.

"You ready to go home?" he asked gently.

Hadrian looked over at Hella and Adaire, and raised his hand to wave. Hella waved back, one arm around Adaire and Barbelo sitting neatly on her other side.

"Yeah," he said, turning back to Throndir. He clapped a hand on his shoulder, then moved over to the grasshopper to heave himself up. "Yeah, let's go home."

\--

It was late when they got back to the Last University. The ride passed mostly in silence; occasionally, Throndir would call forward some bit of small talk or piece of direction from the map, but a grasshopper ride was really not the most conducive to conversation, and Hadrian was distracted, anyway.

He and Throndir unloaded the grasshopper and got it put away quickly, both beginning to droop and thoroughly ready for bed by the time they were done. Before they left, Hadrian grabbed Throndir's arm.

"Hey," he said, letting go as Throndir turned to look at him with one raised eyebrow. "Uh, thanks for coming with me today. It means a lot, y'know."

"Yeah, of course," Throndir said warmly, reaching out to touch his arm. "I know I maybe wasn't the most enthusiastic when you asked, but… I'm glad I went. Thanks for asking me."

"Yeah," Hadrian said, flashing him a smile.

Satisfied, he turned to leave when Throndir stammered out a, "Wait, Hadrian--"

Hadrian stopped and half-turned back to face him.

Throndir hesitated, starting to reach out towards him, then pulled his hand back to rub the back of his neck. "Um, it's just… y'know, if you're not busy or anything, and you wanted to come next time I go visit, uh… I'm sure Ephrim would be happy to see you."

Hadrian hesitated long enough to see Throndir's face start to close off, then burst out, "Sure, okay."

Throndir blinked. "Yeah?"

Hadrian shrugged. "Sure, why not. It's only fair, right? Let me know when you're next headed out that way."

"Yeah! Yeah, I'll do that," Throndir said quickly. "In the meantime, I should head home. I'll see you around, Hadrian."

"Good night, Throndir."

Hadrian watched him go for a long moment before starting off towards his own house. He hoped desperately wanted to be home all of a sudden. He wanted to crawl into bed beside Rosana and sleep until the sun woke them both, and then he wanted to tell her about the trip, and the ache in his chest, and ask for her help.

He would keep working on the church. He'd check in on Lem. He'd spend time with Benjamin while he was still in town.

He would move forward.

It was the only thing to do.

**Author's Note:**

> y'all dont even know how close this thing came to having a maroon 5 lyric as a title, it was ROUGH for a while there. i dont usually use song lyrics but every time i thought about this fic a maroon 5 song (and not even like, one of the better maroon 5 songs) played in my head. thankfully for everyone i picked a different song that always makes me sad because, like hadrian, i miss my friends.
> 
> anyways after listening to the spring in hieron epilogue my body rejected the idea of hella and hadrian never seeing each other again so strongly i woke out of a dead sleep with the basic idea of this fic in my head. it then haunted me for like three weeks until i finally wrote it, and yknow what? im glad i did.


End file.
